Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
