I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
