ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
