So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
