He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
