I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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