don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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