belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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