areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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