Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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