I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
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