You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
