What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
