Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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