i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
