these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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