So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
