No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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