Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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