i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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