i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
