I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The best revenge is premature balding
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
