fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
