I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
