so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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