He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
