Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
