So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
