theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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