A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
