Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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