You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
