If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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