We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
