She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
