got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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