Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
