If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
