I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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