I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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