I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
