you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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