Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
