Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
