Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
