So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I need a hoe opinion
go on
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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