just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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