i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
handjob tips. give me some.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
