just come out here and I will go home with you...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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