the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
