Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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